How to Flirt the Right Way

Calm Is Strength - Flirting Subtly

Flirting should be anything but pushy and obnoxious. That puts other people off and triggers a flight response far more than a positive reaction. Anyone who flirts should first assume that the other person isn't necessarily interested too, and feel their way forward slowly. For the first contact, that means a minimum of distance and restraint is appropriate. Clumsy lines and very forward flirting are off-putting and in places come across as a bit desperate.

Anyone who wants to flirt subtly does best to do it unnoticed at first. Of course a short conversation is fine, and eye contact doesn't hurt either, but then the other person should be given room again. That means: a short flirt and then a nice goodbye, which can also be a "Maybe we'll run into each other again" (at least if you can be sure you will actually cross paths with the person again). In an encounter that suggests you won't simply bump into each other again, exchanging contact details is of course necessary if you want it to turn into more. Flirting tips don't help, though, if the interest isn't there on both sides. Then the only thing that helps is: recognize it and accept it. That's not a defeat, it's completely normal and happens to everyone - even very attractive people don't score with everybody.

And flirting tips or not: usually it's decided within the first few seconds whether it could work between two people or not.

Flirting has to happen on both sides

Some people consider themselves good flirts. But would others say so too? A flirt must never be one-sided, and above all it must never become a one-way street. If you talk for half an hour yourself and then think it was a nice conversation, you should ask yourself whether you actually learned anything about the other person. Listening has to be learned!

Numerous flirting tips therefore aim at showing interest in the person you're talking to, and not just talking about yourself. Our fellow human beings like it when you ask what they do and how they're doing. Anyone who feels talked at after a flirt certainly has no interest in meeting again. Flirting tips can achieve a lot, but not feigned interest. That means: you really have to want to know how the other person is doing, and you have to listen and remember what someone tells you.

Flirting - and what comes after?

Flirting tips are always a bit of a mixed bag: the advice helps you along in the first step and often leads to success. Maybe a first meeting follows that also goes promisingly. But what then? Where can and may a flirt lead?

The earlier the ground rules are settled, the better. One person might want a relationship, another is, by their own account, happily married and wants a casual affair, and the next person may not even perceive a flirt as one and was thinking of something more friendly.