Calm Is Strength - Flirting Subtly

Flirting should be anything but pushy and obnoxious. That puts other people off and triggers a flight response far more than a positive reaction. Anyone who flirts should first assume that the other person isn't necessarily interested too, and feel their way forward slowly. For the first contact, that means a minimum of distance and restraint is appropriate. Clumsy lines and very forward flirting are off-putting and in places come across as a bit desperate.flirting

Anyone who wants to flirt subtly does best to do it unnoticed at first. Of course a short conversation is fine, and eye contact doesn't hurt either, but then the other person should be given room again. That means: a short flirt and then a nice goodbye, which can also be a "Maybe we'll run into each other again" (at least if you can be sure you will actually cross paths with the person again). In an encounter that suggests you won't simply bump into each other again, exchanging contact details is of course necessary if you want it to turn into more. Flirting tips don't help, though, if the interest isn't there on both sides. Then the only thing that helps is: recognize it and accept it. That's not a defeat, it's completely normal and happens to everyone - even very attractive people don't score with everybody.

A flirt also doesn't always have to lead to something developing. A flirt can also be over after half an hour, having simply been fun and having satisfied both people involved. Flirting tips often say: take it easy! If no flirtation develops, it shouldn't be forced desperately, and the attempt should be acknowledged as having failed. But anyone who plays it a bit hard to get and doesn't come across as too pushy has a good chance that the other person's interest will grow.

And flirting tips or not: usually it's decided within the first few seconds whether it could work between two people or not.

Flirting has to happen on both sides

Some people consider themselves good flirts. But would others say so too? A flirt must never be one-sided, and above all it must never become a one-way street. If you talk for half an hour yourself and then think it was a nice conversation, you should ask yourself whether you actually learned anything about the other person. Listening has to be learned!

Numerous flirting tips therefore aim at showing interest in the person you're talking to, and not just talking about yourself. Our fellow human beings like it when you ask what they do and how they're doing. Anyone who feels talked at after a flirt certainly has no interest in meeting again. Flirting tips can achieve a lot, but not feigned interest. That means: you really have to want to know how the other person is doing, and you have to listen and remember what someone tells you.flirting

Flirting can be learned, and many flirting tips help in practice. Still, it's important to get to know new people anew every time and in a completely individual way. Every person is different, has their own character and therefore requires their own "strategy". So there is no path that always leads to success. Even though flirting tips help a lot, you shouldn't forget that nobody fits a pattern from the start and that getting to know each other must always be mutual.

Flirting - and what comes after?

Flirting tips are always a bit of a mixed bag: the advice helps you along in the first step and often leads to success. Maybe a first meeting follows that also goes promisingly. But what then? Where can and may a flirt lead?

The earlier the ground rules are settled, the better. One person might want a relationship, another is, by their own account, happily married and wants a casual affair, and the next person may not even perceive a flirt as one and was thinking of something more friendly.

So it's not a bad idea to speak plainly over the coming weeks after a successful flirt. But here too, the sledgehammer method doesn't apply: it's perfectly fine to ask carefully where this nice encounter should lead in the future. Sometimes a person isn't even aware of it themselves or hasn't thought about it yet.

Anyone who wants to know right at the second meeting where it's all heading probably isn't doing themselves any favors. You can still take it easy and simply not put a name on it.